Tantrums, Meltdowns and More: Executive Dysfunction and Behavior

By Bonnie Goldsmith

My child doesn’t seem able to read body language. He often misunderstands how other people are reacting to him.

My teen has regular meltdowns, even when minor things go wrong.

My child is forever getting time-outs for disrupting the classroom by calling out, interrupting and refusing to take turns.

Does this describe your child?

Executive function skills allow us to control our impulses and emotions, be flexible, plan and organize. These cognitive skills are not only crucial for learning but play an important role in day-to-day behavior. Children who struggle with executive function may have great difficulty in behaving appropriately in classrooms, at home and in other settings.

Think about a child who gets a reputation as a class troublemaker. This is a child who responds excessively to everything, good or bad. He is impulsive and prone to temper tantrums. He does not respond well to change and seems to not be able to control his emotions. Plenty of people would point to this class troublemaker and say his behavior is the result of being lazy, undisciplined, or spoiled. But the truth is more complicated: This child may be deficient in the executive skills most closely related to social and emotional growth, including impulse control, emotional control, flexibility and self-monitoring. Executive skill delays are directly associated with emotional and behavioral challenges.

As you may know, executive function deficits are very common in children with LD and ADHD. You’ve probably already considered how executive dysfunction may play a role in your child’s learning and academic performance. But it’s crucial to consider the role executive function may be having on your child’s behavior. This will help you avoid the common trap of treating all inappropriate behavior as something under your child’s control (He’s just a lazy, spoiled brat) and move toward finding solutions to help your child improve her executive function skills and behave in more positive ways. Executive skill development is gradual and developmental, not automatic. Children and teens with LD or ADHD need extra help in many areas of life, including the development of self-control, resilience, and sensitivity towards their own and others’ feelings.

Controlling Impulses and EmotionsWe all speak and act impulsively at times, and who hasn’t had to apologize for doing so? But every time you consider of the consequences of an action before you do it or hold back a comment until an appropriate time, you’re exercising an important executive skill: the ability to control your impulses. This can be a huge challenge for Children and teens who struggle with executive function, and especially for those with ADHD (impulsiveness is one sign of the disorder). Children and teens lacking in impulse control have a diminished ability to regulate their speech and behavior. They find it difficult to stop and think. They haven’t learned to ask themselves: What is happening here? When this happened to me before, what did I do? If I say this or do that, will I help the situation or make it worse? Children and teens who struggle with impulse control often have difficulty following rules and directions and sitting still in class. They may seem to talk incessantly and interrupt others.

Closely linked to impulse control is emotional control, the ability to manage our emotions so they don’t control our lives. When your child isn’t invited to a birthday party or when your teen gets a speeding ticket, frustration and anger—even fear—are normal emotional reactions. However, throwing a tantrum, becoming silent and withdrawn, or arguing with a police officer are unproductive, self-destructive ways to react. The ability to monitor emotions so they don’t spill out and cause embarrassment or worse is a crucial executive skill that helps avoid difficulty in all kinds of interpersonal situations.

A child who struggles with emotional control may have a low threshold for frustration. He may overreact to obstacles that wouldn’t affect other children. Without a strong capacity for emotional control, your child’s overreactions may rapidly escalate, leading to rage, tears, or withdrawal. Even happiness may affect your child differently, leading to excessive giddiness or silliness.

Flexibility and Self-MonitoringDoes your child’s behavior get worse during school breaks or vacations, when he is away from his normal routine? Does your child struggle with understanding the difference between an “outdoor” and “indoor” voice? These difficulties may be related to executive function: cognitive flexibility, or the ability to think flexibly and to shift approaches, is another executive function process that can lead to behavioral problems when it breaks down.

Think of it this way: every time you switch from one activity or setting to another, you know that there are a different set of rules and expectations for how you will act. You wouldn’t behave exactly the same way in a meeting with your boss as you would when you’re out to lunch with your co-workers. Children and teens who struggle with this aspect of executive function have trouble shifting their behavior from one situation to the next. For example, while running might be okay at recess, it’s definitely against the rules in school hallways. But a child with executive dysfunction may have trouble switching from “recess behavior” to “classroom behavior,” continue to run when recess is over, and get in trouble for doing so.

Promoting Positive Behavior in Children With Executive Dysfunction With parents’ guidance and support, children and teens can improve their executive functioning skills and move toward improving their behavior. Here are some tips to help.

• Make sure your child receives a comprehensive assessment including aspects of executive function and behavior. Based on the results, you and school staff members can determine the most important behavioral skills your child needs to work on. A focus on executive function skills can improve not only your child’s behavior, but his academic performance as well. If your child has an IEP or 504 plan, be sure that specific executive skill guidelines are included.
• Communicate with teachers and other school staff about your efforts to help your child regulate his or her behavior.. You and your child’s teacher or counselor may decide to work on the same skill at the same time. Home and school need to reinforce each other.
• Set clear and consistent rules. Your child or teen needs to know what language or behavior you won’t accept (for example, violence, name-calling, abusive or profane language, door-slamming, harming himself or others). Discuss consequences for breaking the rules and be consistent in applying them. Beyond this zero-tolerance list, treat any tantrums or meltdowns as problems to be solved cooperatively. Research clearly shows that the best way to see improvements in social skills is to give your child positive reinforcement.

Bonnie Z. Goldsmith earned a doctorate in English from Ohio State University. She has worked in the field of education throughout her professional life, as a writer, editor and teacher. She lives in Minneapolis.

Article retrieved from:  http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/executive-function-disorders/executive-dysfunction-behavior-problems?utm_source=newsletter_august_6_2013&utm_medium=email&utm_content=title&utm_campaign=ldnews

Image retrieved from: http://yourparentinghelp.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/tantrum.jpg

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How Executive Dysfunction Can Cause Trouble Making Friends

By Bonnie Goldsmith

Children are expected to mature cognitively and emotionally as well as physically. Generally, as children grow older, their executive function skills like planning, organizing, strategizing and self-monitoring improve. But many children with learning disabilities (LD) and ADHD lag behind their peers in these skills. Executive dysfunction can lead to a variety of problems with academics and behavior. Everyday tasks likesharing, taking turns, picking up on subtle social cues and staying attentive in class can be very difficult for kids who struggle with executive skills. And when children and teens falter in these basic social interactions, it can hurt them socially—isolating them from peers and making it difficult for them to make and keep friends.

Difficulties in the social realm can cause your child pain and embarrassment and are particularly painful to witness as a parent. Everyone needs to feel liked and accepted, and children and teens may react to social disappointments with feelings of isolation, helplessness, sadness and anger. The good news is that you can help your child handle the social challenges that can come along with executive dysfunction, just as you assist your child with academic difficulties.

What Is Social Competence?Children who are socially competent:

• Are aware of the importance of body language and nonverbal communication
• Have control of their emotions and impulses—they can “stop and think 
•  Have the ability to think through a situation and recognize others’ points of view
• Show flexibility in the face of changed plans and unexpected situations
• Can anticipate what will happen as a result of their words or actions
• Are able to take responsibility for their behavior

Executive dysfunction can throw a wrench into all of these skills. For example, a child with weak working memory will likely struggle to think through a social situation before taking action. A teenager who has difficulty with self-monitoring may not be able to judge other’s reactions to his body language and voice volume and adjust what he’s doing accordingly. A middle schooler who struggles with thinking flexibly may become very upset when a plan or routine changes.

Why Can Social Life Be So Difficult For Kids With Executive Dysfunction?

Research has shown that children and teens whose executive skills are underdeveloped are:

    More likely then their peers to behave in socially unacceptable ways (e.g. saying “the wrong thing at the wrong time,” running into things and people, talking rapidly and excessively, continuing to roughhouse after peers have stopped)

• Less able to solve interpersonal problem
• Less likely to consider the consequences of their behavior
• Less likely to understand nonverbal communication, such as facial expression and tone of voice, or to interpret what others say
• Less adaptable to new social situations 
•  Less able to tolerate frustration and failure

Many of these characteristics are so troublesome because they can lead to rejection from peers. Consider the following circumstances:

·         Adam is 16 and has great difficulty controlling his impulses to call out at inappropriate times during class. He wants to make other kids laugh, but lately, they have been avoiding him. Some of his friends have noticed that they tend to get in trouble when they sit with Adam in class. Other kids think that Adam is very immature—the screaming and roughhousing might have been funny when they were younger, but now it just seems silly. Adam’s mom is concerned that he has many fewer friends than he did in middle school.

·         Alana is a third grader who has trouble with working memory. She plays in a youth soccer league, and at a recent game, the ball was passed to her. She was very excited, but couldn’t quickly recall what she was supposed to do next. She just knew she was supposed to kick the ball into the net—but unfortunately, she kicked it into her own team’s net. The other girls on the team were mad that Alana inadvertently scored a point for the opposing team. “What’s wrong with you?” one girl yelled as Alana sadly walked off the field. After the game, Alana’s dad overheard a girl whispering that Alana is “weird” and “stupid.”

Adam and Alana both faced peer disapproval because of their actions caused by their executive dysfunction. They’re thought of as “weird” and avoided by other kids—an isolating and painful situation.

If your child faces similar obstacles, get tips on dealing with executive dysfunction-related social skills.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bonnie Z. Goldsmith earned a doctorate in English from Ohio State University. She has worked in the field of education throughout her professional life, as a writer, editor and teacher. She lives in Minneapolis.

Article retrieved from: http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/executive-function-disorders/executive-dysfunction-trouble-making-friends?utm_source=newsletter_august_6_2013&utm_medium=email&utm_content=title&utm_campaign=ldnews

Image retrieved from: http://homeschoolhappy.com/images/2012/07/iStock_000017812712Medium.jpg

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Lower Autism Risk With Folic Acid Supplements in Pregnancy

Feb. 12, 2013 — Women who took folic acid supplements in early pregnancy almost halved the risk of having a child with autism. Beginning to take folic acid supplements later in pregnancy did not reduce the risk. This is shown in new findings from the ABC Study and Norwegian Mother and Child Cohort Study published in the Journal of The American Medical Association (JAMA).

Women who took folic acid supplements from four weeks before conception to eight weeks into pregnancy had a 40 per cent lower risk of giving birth to children with childhood autism (classic autism). Use of folic acid supplements midway through pregnancy (week 22) had no effect.

The findings only apply to a lower risk of childhood autism, the most severe form of autism. The results show no reduction in the risk of atypical or unspecific autism. The study also investigated the prevalence of Asperger syndrome, but the number of examined children was too low to give a reliable result.

Food and other supplements did not reduce risk
The researchers found no connection between childhood autism and intake of other supplements during pregnancy. They also found no correlation with maternal intake of folate through food.
"It appears that the reduced risk of childhood autism only reflects folic acid supplements, not food or other supplements, and that the crucial time interval is from four weeks before conception to eight weeks into pregnancy," says Dr Pål Surén, primary author of the paper and researcher at the Norwegian Institute of Public Health.

Clear results that pave the way for further research
The results show an association between the use of folic acid supplements in the mother during pregnancy and a reduced risk of childhood autism.
"The study does not prove that folic acid supplements can prevent childhood autism. However, the findings are so apparent that they constitute a good argument to further examine possible causal mechanisms. It should also be ascertained whether folic acid is associated with a reduced risk of other brain disorders in children," says Surén.

Emphasises the importance of folic acid supplements
The results support the Norwegian Directorate of Health's recommendations for folic acid supplements during pregnancy and emphasise the importance of starting early -- preferably before conception.

Method
The ABC Study included participants in the Norwegian Mother and Child Cohort Study (MoBa) who were born in 2002-2008, and included a total of 85,176 children. The mothers had given detailed information about their diet and the use of supplements in early pregnancy. Children with autism diagnoses in MoBa were identified through questionnaires, referrals from parents and health personnel and through links to the Norwegian Patient Register. When the analyses were done, 270 children with autism diagnoses were identified in the study population. Of these children, 114 children had autism, 56 had Asperger syndrome and 100 had atypical or unspecified autism.

The use of folic acid supplements in early pregnancy increased sharply from 2002 to 2008 among women who participated in the Norwegian Mother and Child Cohort Study. 43 per cent of mothers took folic acid supplements in 2002, while the percentage had risen to 85 per cent in 2008. However, many women began later than is desirable; only half of women who took folic acid supplements had begun before conception.

About the study
The ABC study is conducted by the Norwegian Institute of Public Health in collaboration with Columbia University in New York and the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS) in Bethesda, USA. The study received funding from NINDS. In addition, funds for research analysis were provided by the Norwegian Research Council. MoBa is managed by the NIPH.

The Norwegian Directorate of Health recommends that women who are planning to become pregnant should take folic acid supplements from one month before conception and during the first three months of pregnancy.

The recommendation is based on research showing that the use of folic acid supplements in early pregnancy protects the fetus from spina bifida and other neural tube defects.
In recent years, researchers have begun to investigate whether folic acid supplements may also have other beneficial effects on the development of the brain and spinal cord in the fetus. A study from the Norwegian Mother and Child Cohort Study showed that mothers who took folic acid supplements early in pregnancy halved the risk of having children with severe language delay at three years-old. A study of autism spectrum disorders from California found a lower risk of autism among children of expectant mothers who had taken multivitamin supplements containing folic acid.

Background Information:
Folic acid is a B vitamin that is essential for the construction and repair of DNA molecules, the genetic material which controls all body cells.

Folate is the naturally occurring form of folic acid and is found in leafy vegetables, peas, lentils, beans, eggs, yeast and liver.

For most pregnant women, folic acid supplements are required to reach the recommended levels of folate in the blood.

Some countries add folic acid to flour, so that the entire population receives a supplement, but this is not done in Norway.

Studies from other countries show that many pregnant women consume less dietary folate than is necessary to prevent neural tube defects.

Article retrieved from: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/02/130212172209.htm
Image retrieved from: http://www.magnetstreet.com/baby-blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/pregnant-belly-300x300.jpg
and http://healthypalm.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Pregnancy-Supplements.jpg

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別讓這10種溺愛~毀掉你的孩子！

蔡禮旭老師  
 
1.特殊待遇
孩子在家庭中的地位高人一等，處處特殊照顧，如吃「獨食」，好的食品放在他面前供他一人享用;做「獨生」，爺爺奶奶可以不過生日，孩子過生日得買大蛋糕，送禮物……這樣的孩子自感特殊，習慣於高人一等，必然變得自私，沒有同情心，不會關心他人。

2.過分注意
一家人時刻關照他，陪伴他。過年過節，親戚朋友來了往往嘻笑逗引沒完，有時候大人坐一圈把他圍在中心，一再歡迎孩子表演節目，掌聲不斷。這樣的孩子自認為 自己是中心，確實變成「小太陽」了。家裡人都要圍著他轉，並且一天到晚不得安寧，注意力極其分散，「人來瘋」也特別嚴重，甚至客人來了鬧得沒法談話。

3.輕易滿足
孩子要什麼就給什麼。有的父母還給幼兒和小學生很多零花錢，孩子的滿足就更輕易了。這種孩子必然養成不珍惜物品、講究物質享受、浪費金錢和不體貼他人的壞性格，並且毫無忍耐和吃苦精神。

4.生活懶散
允許孩子飲食起居、玩耍學習沒有規律，要怎樣就怎樣，睡懶覺，不吃飯，白天游遊盪盪，晚上看電視到深夜等。這樣的孩子長大後缺乏上進心、好奇心，做人得過且過，做事心猿意馬，有始無終。

5.祈求央告
例如邊哄邊求孩子吃飯睡覺，答應給孩子講3個故事才把飯吃完。孩子的心理是，你越央求他他越扭捏作態，不但不能明辨是非，培養不出責任心和落落大方的性格，而且教育的威信也喪失殆盡。


6.包辦代替
捨不得讓孩子自己做事，所以三四歲的孩子還要喂飯，還不會穿衣，五六歲的孩子還不做任何家務事，不懂得自己動手的愉快和幫助父母減輕負擔的責任，這樣包辦 下去，對孩子的未來是沒有任何好處的。將來孩子長大要獨立生活時，您過去的包辦代理就會害了孩子，孩子不能獨立生活的例子比比皆是，這決不是聳人聽聞。

7.大驚小怪
本來「初生牛犢不怕虎」，孩子不怕水，不怕黑，不怕摔跤，不怕病痛。摔跤以後往往自己不聲不響爬起來繼續玩。後來為什麼有的孩子膽小愛哭了呢?那往往是父母和祖父母造成的，孩子有病痛時表現驚慌失措，嬌慣的最終結果是孩子不讓父母離開一步。這些孩子就打下懦弱的烙印了。

8.剝奪獨立
為了絕對安全，父母不讓孩子走出家門，也不許他和別的小朋友玩。更有甚者，有的孩子成了「小尾巴」，時刻不能離開父母或老人一步，摟抱著睡，偎依著坐，馱 在背上走;含在嘴裡怕融化，吐出來怕飛走。這樣的孩子會變得膽小無能，喪失自信，養成依賴心理，但在家裡橫行霸道，到外面膽小如鼠，造成嚴重性格缺陷。

9.害怕哭鬧
由於從小遷就孩子，孩子在不順心時以哭鬧、睡地、不吃飯來要挾父母。溺愛的父母就只好哄騙，投降，依從，遷就。害怕孩子哭鬧的父母是無能的父母;打罵爸媽的孩子會變成無情的逆子，在性格中播下了自私、無情、任性和缺乏自制力的種子。

10.當面袒護
有時爸爸管孩子，媽媽護著：「不要太嚴了，他還小呢。」有的父母教孩子，奶奶會站出來說話：「你們不能要求太急，他大了自然會好;你們小的時候，還遠遠沒 有他好呢!」這樣的孩子當然是「教不了」啦!因為他全無是非觀念，而且時時有「保護傘」和「避難所」，其後果不僅孩子性格扭曲，有時還會造成家庭不睦。

文章转自：https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=268552763290292&set=a.101286533350250.2113.100627876749449&type=1&theater
图片转自：http://ext.pimg.tw/craburgerm/d554e8fe89234304da8f2b1dc4e79aee.jpg & http://the-sun.on.cc/cnt/news/20100720/photo/0720-00407-033b2.jpg

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別逼孩子學孔融

作者：洪蘭 2013.05.01

《親子天下》最近做了一個有趣的調查，孩子的頭號「民怨」是什麼？結果答案是「不公平」：明明是我的，為什麼要讓給弟妹？ 

 

不公平是我們在研究上看到孩子叛逆最主要的原因，連動物都會「不平則鳴」。我曾看過一個孩子把分給他的蛋糕全部塞進嘴裡，吃相很難看，我就跟他說：「分給你的都是你的，不要一次全塞進嘴裡，小心噎到。」他用力把蛋糕嚥下去後，說：「老師，你不知道，不放進我的嘴裡就不是我的。」盤子裡有根雞腿，他塞不進嘴，就吐點口水抹在雞腿上，這樣別人就不敢吃了。我找他母親談時，他母親理直氣壯的說：「我要教他學孔融呀！」 

 

孔融讓梨是兄友弟恭的美談，但這是例外，不是常態，若是常態就不會上歷史課本了。不公平是很多不幸的發生原因，父母可想一想，弟弟平常被人讓慣了，出了社會，誰要讓他？所以孩子若願意讓，父母要褒揚他，他若不願意，不可以強迫他，一強迫就不公平了。 

 

 孩子叛逆的第二個原因是父母不能以身作則，常常說一套做一套，自己在看電視，卻叫孩子去做功課。孩子說：「我們丟掉東西會被罵，大人丟掉東西卻不會，」我朋友的孩子也說：「我打破碗要挨打，爸爸打破碗，不但沒事，我還得替他掃碎片。」

 

第三個理由是父母在孩子心目中失去了尊敬的地位，父母做了不該做的事被孩子看到了，以後孩子會不服管教。他們最常講的一句話就是：「你憑什麼管我。」 

 

其實要孩子不叛逆並不難，只要永遠維持在孩子心目中尊敬的地位就可以了。倒是孩子學大人說髒話時要馬上糾正，三歲以下的孩子說髒話，不必打罵，只要擺出生氣面孔，告訴他，你不喜歡這樣，然後走開，他下次就不敢了。

 

發展心理學家發現孩子會故意壓抑自己的欲望去討好大人，他們其實非常在乎父母的愛，我們常看到剛被罵完的孩子，一邊哭，一邊要母親抱他親他，因為他要確定母親還愛他，結果鼻涕眼淚都糊在媽媽的臉上了。 

 

至於為何不能如某專家建議的，要等三十分鐘才去禁止孩子說髒話？那是因為事過境遷，失去「時效性」後，處罰無效。從動物實驗中得知，去除一個行為所用的懲罰電擊是要馬上跟隨行為出現才會有效，愈小的孩子愈需要立即處理。 

 

孩子犯錯時，無論年齡大小，一定要詳細解釋理由，說清楚為什麼不可以，這個理由最後會內化成他的行為準則，也就是他的品德。說髒話不只是「別人以為你在罵他」而是說髒話會讓人看不起你，認為你沒有教養。我們常低估孩子的能力，認為他反正聽不懂，其實理由是很重要的，他只有認同不做的理由，以後才會不做。 

 

 這份調查給了父母一個反思的機會，請蹲下來，從孩子的角度來看事情，你會發現，孩子雖小，他做事還是有他自己的道理的，請給他機會表達他的看法，也給你自己機會去了解你的孩子。 

文章转载自：http://www.parenting.com.tw/blog/blogTopic.action?id=65&nid=3268 图片转载自： http://www.flixya.com/files-photo/S/h/a/Shahidramzan-1933989.jpg

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Giving Autism a Voice

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Autism & Your Family

How will I deal with this diagnosis?

It's not easy to hear the news that your child has autism, and realize that your life will be utterly different than you had expected it to be. Daily life with a special-needs child presents many unique challenges. How do you come to terms with the fact that your child has autism? How do you cope once you get over the initial shock? We aim to help you by providing regular features on topics ranging from how autism affects your family to day-to-day survival strategies.

You are never prepared for a diagnosis of autism. It is likely that you will experience a range of emotions. It is painful to love so much, to want something so much, and not quite get it. You want your child to get better so much you may feel some of the stages commonly associated with grieving. You may “revisit” these feelings from time to time in the future. Part of moving forward, is dealing with your own needs and emotions along the way.

Stages Associated with Grieving

Shock
Immediately after the diagnosis you may feel stunned or confused. The reality of the diagnosis may be so overwhelming that you're not ready to accept it or you initially ignore it. You may also question the diagnosis or search for another doctor who will tell
you something different.

Sadness or Grief
Many parents must mourn some of the hopes and dreams they held for their child before they can move on. There will probably be many times when you feel extremely sad. Friends may refer to this as being “depressed,” which can sound frightening.
There is, however, a difference between sadness and depression. Depression often stands in the way of moving forward. Allowing yourself to feel sadness can help you grow. You have every right to feel sad and to express it in ways that are comfortable. Crying can help release some of the tension that builds up when you try to hold in sadness. A good cry can get you over one hurdle and help you face the next.

Anger
With time, your sadness may give way to anger. Although anger is a natural part of the process, you may find that it's directed at those closest to you – your child, your spouse, your friend or at the world in general. You may also feel resentment toward parents of typical children. Your anger may come out in different ways – snapping at people, overreacting at small things, even screaming and yelling. Anger is normal. It is a healthy and expected reaction to feelings of loss and stress that come with this diagnosis. Expressing your anger releases tension. It's an attempt to tell the people around you that you hurt, that you are outraged that this diagnosis has happened to your child.

Denial
You may go through periods of refusing to believe what is happening to your child. You don't consciously choose this reaction; like anger, it just happens. During this time, you may not be able to hear the facts as they related to your child's diagnosis. Don't be critical of yourself for reacting this way. Denial is a way of coping. It may be what gets you through a particularly difficult period. You must, however, be aware of that you may be experiencing denial so that it doesn't cause you to lose focus on your child's treatment.

Try not to “shoot the messenger.”
When someone, a professional, a therapist or a teacher, tells you something that is hard to hear about your child, consider that they are trying to help you so that you can address the problem. It is important not to alienate people who can give you helpful feedback and monitoring of your child's progress. Whether you agree or not, try to thank them for the information. If you are upset, try considering their information when you have had a chance to calm down.

Loneliness
You may feel isolated and lonely. These feelings may have many causes. Loneliness may also come from the fact that in your new situation you simply don't feel you have the time to contact friends or family for company or that, if you did reach out, they wouldn't understand or be supportive. In the pages that follow, we have some suggestions for taking care of yourself and for getting the support you need.

Acceptance
Ultimately, you may feel a sense of acceptance. It's helpful to distinguish between accepting that your child has been diagnosed with autism and accepting autism. Accepting the diagnosis simply means that you are ready to advocate for your child.
The period following an autism diagnosis can be very challenging, even for the most harmonious families. Although the child affected by autism may never experience the negative emotions associated with the diagnosis, parents, siblings and extended
family members may each process the diagnosis in different ways, and at different rates.

Give yourself time to adjust
Be patient with yourself. It will take some time to understand your child's disorder and the impact it has on you and your family. Difficult emotions may resurface from time to time. There may be times when you feel helpless and angry that autism has resulted in
a life that is much different than you had planned. But you will also experience feelings of hope as your child begins to make progress.

Caring for the Caregiver

Changing the course of your child's life with autism can be a very rewarding experience. You are making an enormous difference in his or her life. To make it happen, you need to take care of yourself. Take a moment to answer these questions: Where does
your support and strength come from? How are you really doing? Do you need to cry? Complain? Scream? Would you like some help but don't know who to ask?

“Remember that if you want to take the best possible care of your child, you must first take the best possible care of yourself.”

Parents often fail to evaluate their own sources of strength, coping skills, or emotional attitudes. You may be so busy meeting the needs of your child that you don't allow yourself time to relax, cry, or simply think. You may wait until you are so exhausted or
stressed out that you can barely carry on before you consider your own needs. Reaching this point is bad for you and for your family.

You may feel that your child needs you right now, more than ever. Your “to do” list may be what is driving you forward right now. Or, you may feel completely overwhelmed and not know here to start. There is no single way to cope. Each family is unique and deals with stressful situations differently. Getting your child started in treatment will help you feel better.
Acknowledging the emotional impact of autism and taking care of yourself during this stressful period will help prepare you for the challenges ahead. Autism is a pervasive, multi-faceted disorder. It will not only change the way that you look at your child, it will change the way you look at the world. As some parents may tell you, you may be a better person for it. The love and hope that you have for your child is probably stronger than you realize.

Here are some tips from parents who have experienced what you are going through:

Get going. Getting your child started in treatment will help. There are many details you will be managing in an intensive treatment program, especially if it is based in your home. If you know your child is engaged in meaningful activities, you will be more able to focus
on moving forward. It may also free up some of your time so you can educate yourself, advocate for your child, and take care of yourself so that you can keep going.

Ask for help. Asking for help can be very difficult, especially at first. Don't hesitate to use whatever support is available to you. People around you may want to help, but may not know how. Is there someone who can take your other kids somewhere for an afternoon? Or
cook dinner for your family one night so that you can spend the time learning: Can they pick a few things up for you at the store or do a load of laundry? Can they let other people know you are going through a difficult time and could use a hand?

Talk to someone. Everyone needs someone to talk to. Let someone know what you are going through and how you feel. Someone who just listens can be a great source of strength. If you can't get out of the house, use the phone to call a friend. Link to Family Services

“At my support group I met a group of women who were juggling the same things I am. It felt so good not to feel like I was from another planet!”

Consider joining a support group. It may be helpful to listen or talk to people who have been or are going through a similar experience. Support groups can be great sources for information about what services are available in your area and who provides them. You may have to try more than one to find a group that feels right to you. You may find you aren't a “support group kind of person.” For many parents in your situation, support groups provide valuable hope, comfort and encouragement. Link to AS Support Network

Try to take a break. If you can, allow yourself to take some time away, even if it is only a few minutes to take a walk. If it's possible, getting out to a movie, going shopping, or visiting a friend can make a world of difference. If you feel guilty about taking a break, try to remind yourself that it will help you to be renewed for the things you need to do when you get back.
Try to get some rest. If you are getting regular sleep, you will be better prepared to make good decisions, be more patient with your child and deal with the stress in your life.

Consider keeping a journal. Louise DeSalvo, in Writing as a Way of Healing, notes that studies have shown that “writing that describes traumatic events and our deepest thoughts and feelings about them is linked with improved immune function, improved emotional and physical health,” and positive behavioral changes. Some parents have found a journaling a helpful tool for keeping track of their children's progress, what's working and what isn't.

Be mindful of the time you spend on the Internet. The Internet will be one of the most important tools you have for learning what you need to know about autism and how to help your child.

Unfortunately, there is more information on the web than any of us have time to read in a lifetime. There may also be a lot of misinformation. Right now, while you are trying to make the most of every minute, keep an eye on the clock and frequently ask yourself these important questions:
• Is what I'm reading right now very likely to be relevant to my child?
• Is it new information?
• Is it helpful?
• Is it from a reliable source?
Sometimes, the time you spend on the Internet will be incredibly valuable. Other times, it may be better for you and your child if you use that time to take care of yourself.

Fifteen Tips for Your Family

As a result of her work with many families who deal so gracefully with the challenges of autism, Family Therapist, Kathryn Smerling, Ph.D., offers these five tips for parents, five for siblings and five for extended family members:

5 Tips for Parents
Learn to be the best advocate you can be for your child. Be informed. Take advantage
of all the services that are available to you in your community. You will meet practitioners and providers who can educate you and help you. You will gather great strength from the people you meet.

Don't push your feelings away. Talk about them. You may feel both ambivalent and angry. Those are emotions to be expected. It's OK to feel conflicting emotions. Try to direct your anger towards the disorder and not towards your loved ones. When you find yourself arguing with your spouse over an autism related issue, try to remember that this topic is painful for both of you; and be careful not to get mad at each other when it really is the autism that has you so upset and angry.

Try to have some semblance of an adult life. Be careful to not let autism consume every waking hour of your life. Spend quality time with your typically developing children and your spouse, and refrain from constantly talking about autism. Everyone in your family needs support, and to be happy despite the circumstances.

Appreciate the small victories your child may achieve. Love your child and take great pride in each small accomplishment. Focus on what they can do instead of making comparisons with a typically developing child. Love them for who they are rather than what they should be.

Get involved with the Autism community. Don't underestimate the power of “community”. You may be the captain of your team, but you can't do everything yourself. Make friends with other parents who have children with autism. By meeting other parents you will have the support of families who understand your day to day challenges. Getting involved with autism advocacy is empowering and productive. You will be doing something for yourself as well as your child by being proactive.

5 Tips for Brothers & Sisters
Remember that you are not alone! Every family is confronted with life's challenges… and yes, autism is challenging… but, if you look closely, nearly everyone has something difficult to face in their families.

Be proud of your brother or sister. Learn to talk about autism and be open and comfortable describing the disorder to others. If you are comfortable with the topic…they will be comfortable too. If you are embarrassed by your brother or sister, your friends will sense this and it will make it awkward for them. If you talk openly to your friends about autism, they will become comfortable. But, like everyone else, sometimes you will love your brother or sister, and sometimes you will hate them. It's okay to feel your feelings. And, often it's easier when you have a professional counselor to help you understand them – someone special who is here just for you! Love your brother or sister the way they are.

While it is OK to be sad that you have a brother or sister affected by autism it doesn't help to be upset and angry for extended periods of time. Your anger doesn't change the situation; it only makes you unhappier. Remember your Mom and Dad may have those feelings too.

Spend time with your Mom and Dad alone. Doing things together as a family with and without your brother or sister strengthens your family bond. It's OK for you to want alone time. Having a family member with autism can often be very time consuming, and attention grabbing. You need to feel important too. Remember, even if your brother or sister didn't have autism, you would still need alone time with Mom and Dad.

Find an activity you can do with your brother or sister. You will find it rewarding to connect with your brother or sister, even if it is just putting a simple puzzle together. No matter how impaired they may be, doing something together creates a closeness. They will look forward to these shared activities and greet you with a special smile.

5 Tips for Grandparents and Extended Family
Family members have a lot to offer. Each family member is able to offer the things they have learned to do best over time. Ask how you can be helpful to your family.
Your efforts will be appreciated whether it means taking care of the child so that the parents can go out to dinner, or raising money for the special school that helps your family's child. Organize a lunch, a theatre benefit, a carnival, or a card game. It will warm your family's hearts to know that you are pitching in to create support and closeness.

Seek out your own support. If you find yourself having a difficult time accepting and dealing with the fact that your loved one has autism, seek out your own support. Your family may not be able to provide you with that kind of support so you must be considerate and look elsewhere. In this way you can be stronger for them, helping with the many challenges they face.

Be open and honest about the disorder. The more you talk about the matter, the better you will feel. Your friends and family can become your support system…but only if you share your thoughts with them. It may be hard to talk about it at first, but as time goes on it will be easier. In the end your experience with autism will end up teaching you and your family profound life lessons.

Put judgment aside. Consider your family's feelings and be supportive. Respect the decisions they make for their child with autism. They are working very hard to explore and research all options, and are typically coming to well thought out conclusions. Try not to compare children (this goes for typically developing kids as well). Children with autism can be brought up to achieve their personal best.

Learn more about Autism. It affects people of all social and economic standing. There is promising research, with many possibilities for the future. Share that sense of hope with your family while educating yourself about the best ways to help manage this disorder.

Carve out special time for each child. You can enjoy special moments with both typically developing family members and the family member with autism. Yes, they may be different but both children look forward to spending time with you. Children with autism thrive on routines, so find one thing that you can do together that is structured, even if it is simply going to a park for fifteen minutes. If you go to the same park every week, chances are over time that activity will become easier and easier…it just takes time and patience. If you are having a difficult time trying to determine what you can do, ask your family. They will sincerely appreciate that you are making.

Article retrieved from:http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/autism-your-family
Images retrieved from: http://www.victorystore.com/Autism/images/Autism-w-children.gif and http://www.flashcoo.com/cartoon/mother_day_lovely_children_illustraion/images/Lovely_illustration_of_Happy_family_photo_wallcoo.com.jpg, http://www.veritasdefenderdads.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/trust-holding-baby-hand2.jpg, http://www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/07/120731_DX_PARENTS.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-large.jpg, http://positivepsychologynews.com/ppnd_wp/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/acceptance-and-compassion-300x274.jpg, http://wallpaperscraft.com/image/acceptance_love_clothespins_rope_39383_2560x1600.jpg, http://www.steves-digicams.com/knowledge-center/kcenter/grandparents.jpg, and http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID25452/images/autism_support.png

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