Separation Anxiety in Children: Easing Separation Anxiety Disorder

It's natural for your young child to feel anxious when you say goodbye. Although it can be difficult, separation anxiety is a normal stage of development. With understanding and these coping strategies, separation anxiety can be relieved—and should fade as your child gets older. However, if anxieties intensify or are persistent enough to get in the way of school or other activities, your child may have separation anxiety disorder. This condition may require professional treatment—but there is also a lot that you as a parent can do to help.

Separation anxiety in children: what’s normal and what’s not
In early childhood, crying, tantrums, or clinginess are healthy reactions to separation. Separation anxiety can begin before a child’s first birthday, and may pop up again or last until a child is four years old, but both the intensity level and timing of separation anxiety vary tremendously from child to child. A little worry over leaving mom or dad is normal, even when your child is older. You can ease your child’s separation anxiety by staying patient and consistent, and by gently but firmly setting limits.

Some kids, however, experience separation anxiety that doesn’t go away, even with a parent’s best efforts. These children experience a continuation or reoccurrence of intense separation anxiety during their elementary school years or beyond. If separation anxiety is excessive enough to interfere with normal activities like school and friendships, and lasts for months rather than days, it may be a sign of a larger problem: separation anxiety disorder.

Easing normal separation anxiety in children
For children with normal separation anxiety, there are steps you can take to make the process of separation anxiety easier.

• Practice separation: Leave your child with a caregiver for brief periods and short distances at first.
• Schedule separations after naps or feedings: Babies are more susceptible to separation anxiety when they’re tired or hungry.
• Develop a “goodbye” ritual: Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss.
• Keep familiar surroundings when possible and make new surroundings familiar: Have the sitter come to your house. When your child is away from home, let him or her bring a familiar object.
• Have a consistent primary caregiver: If you hire a caregiver, try to keep him or her on the job.
• Leave without fanfare: Tell your child you are leaving and that you will return, then go—don’t stall.
• Minimize scary television: Your child is less likely to be fearful if the shows you watch are not frightening.
• Try not to give in: Reassure your child that he or she will be just fine—setting limits will help the adjustment to separation.

Symptoms of separation anxiety disorder in children
Separation anxiety disorder is NOT a normal stage of development, but a serious emotional problem characterized by extreme distress when a child is away from the primary caregiver. However, since normal separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder share many of the same symptoms, it can be confusing to try to figure out if your child just needs time and understanding—or has a more serious problem.

The main differences between healthy separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder are the intensity of your child’s fears, and whether these fears keep him or her from normal activities. Children with separation anxiety disorder may become agitated at just the thought of being away from mom or dad, and may complain of sickness to avoid playing with friends or attending school. When symptoms are extreme enough, these anxieties can add up to a disorder.

Common symptoms of separation anxiety disorder: worries and fears
Kids with separation anxiety disorder feel constantly worried or fearful about separation. Many kids are overwhelmed with one or more of the following:

• Fear that something terrible will happen to a loved one: The most common fear a child with separation anxiety disorder experiences is the worry that harm will come to a loved one in the child's absence. For example, the child may constantly worry about a parent becoming sick or getting hurt.
• Worry that an unpredicted event will lead to permanent separation: Kids with separation anxiety disorder may fear that once separated from a parent, something will happen to keep the separation. For example, they may worry about being kidnapped or getting lost.
• Nightmares about separation: Children with separation anxiety problems often have scary dreams about their fears.

Common symptoms of separation anxiety disorder: refusals and sickness
Separation anxiety disorder can get in the way of kids’ normal activities. Children with this disorder often:

• Refuse to go to school: A child with separation anxiety disorder may have an unreasonable fear of school, and will do almost anything to stay home.
• Display reluctance to go to sleep: Separation anxiety disorder may make these children insomniacs, either because of the fear of being alone or due to nightmares about separation.
• Complain of physical sickness like a headache or stomachache: At the time of separation, or before, children with separation disorder often complain they feel ill.
• Cling to the caregiver: Children with separation anxiety problems may shadow you around the house or cling to your arm or leg if you attempt to step out.

Common causes of separation anxiety disorder in children
Separation anxiety disorder occurs because a child feels unsafe in some way. Take a look at anything that may have thrown your child’s world off balance, or made him or her feel threatened or could have upset your child’s normal routine. If you can pinpoint the root cause—or causes—you’ll be one step closer to helping your child through his or her struggles.

The following are common causes of separation anxiety disorder in children:

• Change in environment: In children prone to separation anxiety, it is possible that changes in surroundings—like a new house, school, or day care situation—could trigger separation anxiety disorder.
• Stress: Stressful situations like switching schools, or the loss of a loved one, including a pet, can trigger separation anxiety disorder.
• Over-protective parent: In some cases, separation anxiety disorder may be the manifestation of the parent’s own anxiety—parents and children can feed one another’s anxieties.

Separation anxiety or trauma?
If it seems like your child’s separation anxiety disorder happened overnight, the cause might be something related to a traumatic experience rather than separation anxiety. Although these two conditions can share symptoms, they are treated differently. Help your child benefit from the most fitting treatment.

Helping children with separation anxiety disorder
You can help your child combat separation anxiety disorder by taking steps to make him or her feel safer. Providing a sympathetic environment at home can make your child feel more comfortable, and making changes at school may help reduce your child’s symptoms. Even if your efforts don’t completely solve the problem, your empathy can only make things better.

Tips for dealing with separation anxiety in children
The following tips can help you create a stable and supportive environment for your child.

• Educate yourself about separation anxiety disorder: If you learn about how your child experiences this disorder, you can more easily sympathize with his or her struggles.
• Listen to and respect your child’s feelings: For a child who might already feel isolated by his or her disorder, the experience of being listened to can have a powerful healing effect.
• Talk about the issue: It’s healthier for children to talk about their feelings—they don’t benefit from “not thinking about it.” Be empathetic, but also remind the child—gently—that he or she survived the last separation.
• Anticipate separation difficulty: Be ready for transition points that can cause anxiety for your child, such as going to school or meeting with friends to play. If your child separates from one parent more easily than the other, have that parent handle the drop off.

Tips for helping children with separation anxiety feel safe and secure

• Provide a consistent pattern for the day: Don’t underestimate the importance of predictability for children with separation anxiety problems. If your family’s schedule is going to change, discuss it ahead of time with your child.
• Set limits: Let your child know that although you understand his or her feelings, there are rules in your household that need to be followed.
• Offer choices: If your child is given a choice or some element of control in an activity or interaction with an adult, he or she may feel more safe and comfortable.

Tips for encouraging healthy separation and independence in children

• Keep calm during separation: If your child sees that you can stay cool, he or she is more likely to be calm, too.
• Support the child's participation in activities: Encourage your child to participate in healthy social and physical activities.
• Help a child who has been absent from school return as quickly as possible: Even if a shorter school day is necessary initially, children's symptoms are more likely to decrease when they discover that they can survive the separation.
• Praise your child’s efforts: Use the smallest of accomplishments—going to bed without a fuss, a good report from school—as reason to give your child positive reinforcement.

Easing separation anxiety in children: Tips for school

Address the cause for avoidance of school.
Initiate a plan for your child to return to school immediately. This may include gradual reintroduction with partial days at first.

Accommodate late arrival.
If the school can be lenient about late arrival at first, it can give you and your child a little wiggle room to talk and separate at your child’s slower pace.

Identify a safe place.
Find a place at school where your child can go to reduce anxiety during stressful periods. Develop guidelines for appropriate use of the safe place.

Allow the child contact with home.
At times of stress at school, a brief phone call—a minute or two—with family may reduce separation anxiety.

Send notes for your child to read.
You can place a note for your child in his or her lunch box or locker. A quick “I love you!” on a napkin can reassure a child.

Provide assistance to the child during interactions with peers.
An adult's help, whether it is from a teacher or counselor, may be beneficial for both the child and his or her peers.

Reward a child's efforts.
Just like at home, every good effort—or small step in the right direction—deserves to be praised.
Combat separation anxiety in children by relieving your own stress
Kids with anxious or stressed parents may be more prone to separation anxiety. In order to help your child overcome separation anxiety disorder, you may need to take measures to become calmer and more centered yourself.

The following strategies can help to keep your stress and anxiety levels in check:

• Talk about your feelings: Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.
• Exercise regularly: Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress.
• Eat right: A well-nourished body is better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat.
• Practice relaxation: You can control your stress levels with relaxation techniques like yoga, deep breathing, or meditation.
• Get enough sleep: Feeling tired will only increase your stress, causing you to think irrationally or foggily.
• Keep your sense of humor: The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

When to seek professional help for separation anxiety disorder in children
Your own patience and know-how can go a long way toward helping your child with separation anxiety disorder. But some kids with separation anxiety disorder may need professional intervention.

To decide if you need to seek help for your child, look for “red flags,” or extreme symptoms that go beyond milder warning signs. If your efforts to reduce these symptoms don’t work, it may be the time to find a mental health specialist. Remember, these may also be symptoms of a trauma that your child has experienced. If this is the case, it is important to see a child trauma specialist.

Red flags for anxiety separation disorder in children
If you see any of the following “red flags” and your interventions don’t seem to be enough, it may be necessary to get a professional to diagnose and help your child with separation anxiety disorder.

• Age-inappropriate clinginess or tantrums
• Constant complaints of physical sickness
• Withdrawal from friends, family, or peers
• Refusing to go to school for weeks
• Preoccupation with intense fear or guilt
• Excessive fear of leaving the house

Treatment for separation anxiety disorder in children
Child psychiatrists, child psychologists, or pediatric neurologists can diagnose and treat separation anxiety disorder. These trained clinicians integrate information from home, school, and at least one clinical visit in order to make a diagnosis. Keep in mind that children with separation anxiety disorder frequently have physical complaints that may need to be medically evaluated.

Specialists can address physical symptoms, identify anxious thoughts, help your child develop coping strategies, and foster problem solving. Professional treatment for separation anxiety disorder may include:

• Talk therapy: Talk therapy provides a safe place for your child to express his or her feelings. Having someone to listen empathetically and guide your child toward understanding his or her anxiety can be powerful treatment.
• Play therapy: The therapeutic use of play is a common and effective way to get kids talking about their feelings.
• Counseling for the family: Family counseling can help your child counteract the thoughts that fuel his or her anxiety, while you as the parent can help your child learn coping skills.
• School-based counseling: This can help a child with separation anxiety disorder explore the social, behavioral, and academic demands of school.
• Medication: Medications may be used to treat severe cases of separation anxiety disorder. It should be used only in conjunction with other therapy.

Article retrieved from: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/separation_anxiety_causes_prevention_treatment.htm

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Messy Backpack? How to Help Your Child Get Organized

By Bob Cunningham, Contributing Writer

For most students, the backpack is the key to getting things home from school. Eventually, everything needs to get to the backpack, or it’s not likely to make it home. For some children, what they want to and think they should take home doesn’t always match what the teacher needs them to take home. And for you, the parent, it’s frustrating. There are, however, some simple and effective strategies you can use to help your kids get the “right stuff” into the backpack and home from school where it belongs.

Let Kids Organize Their Home LifeBelieve it or not, the first step is to set the stage at home. Many parents make a tremendous leap of faith by assuming their children will organize themselves differently at school than they do at home. This is simply not the case, and if your kids are particularly disorganized, , it’s likely that you’re taking dramatic steps to help them get things together at home. If this is the case (be honest), you need to be willing to allow things to run less smoothly at home for a while in order to help kids develop the organizational independence they’ll need to organize their school materials. Try the following four tips.

1. Give kids the responsibility for laying out their clothes for school at night.
2. Insist that they gather items for after-school activities on their own.
3. Have them set the table for dinner, organize toys, sort clothes from the laundry, sort coins or perform other tasks involving organization.
4. Request that they repeat tasks until they’re done correctly, and stick with them for at least three weeks before you provide assistance other than encouragements and rewards (if necessary).

From Organization at Home to Organization at SchoolAs you increase your expectations for better and more independent organization at home, you can introduce a strategy for helping kids get the right things home from school. There are four important guidelines you should understand first:

1. When you try a strategy, pick one and stick with it for at least a week and a half—this gives the strategy a chance to take hold. Many parents don’t stick with a strategy long enough for it to actually work.
2. Communicate with your child’s teachers. It’s important for educators to realize this is a problem for you and your child at home. Let them know what you’re doing so they can give you feedback and support your child at school. Check in after a week and a half of implementing a strategy so they know if it’s working or not.
3. Work with the system the teacher has established for the class first. Assignment books, mailboxes and cubbies are common tools used for organization at school. If there’s an assignment book, check it each night. If there are mailboxes or cubbies, go over how to use these with your child through role play or saying to kids directly, “At the end of each day, check your mailbox (or cubby) and put any papers you find there into your backpack. It’s not a choice.”
4. Most importantly, remember that improving organization takes both time and practice. Poor habits are very difficult to break.

Tips to Help Your Child Bring Home the “Right Stuff”Now that you have those guidelines in mind, here are four things you can try to help your child bring the right things home from school.

1. Give children a folder and tell them to put any paper the teacher gives out but does not collect into the folder. Remind them to put the folder in the backpack at the end of each day, and make them responsible for putting the folder in their backpack each morning so it gets to school. (Remember that the first priority is to get the necessary things home, not to eliminate the other things. You can work on what to leave at school once you’re consistently getting the necessary papers home.)

2. Give kids a small sheet of non-descript circle or star stickers (the plainer and less distracting the better). Tell them to put a sticker on any paper the teacher says needs to go home right when the teacher says it. Remind them to look carefully for things with stars when it’s time to clean up at the end of the day and to put those papers in the backpack.
   
   
3. Create a small checklist with a picture associated with each subject or activity that’s typically part of their school day. Tape the checklist to their folder, and tell them to put a check next to the picture when the teacher says there’s something to bring home and to look at the checklist when they’re packing up at the end of the day.
   
   
4. Help them identify a well-organized student who sits nearby at school. (Ask the teacher to pick the student, if possible.) Let them know that it’s OK to check in with that student each day during cleanup time to see what he or she is taking home.

As you work on these strategies, make a day-by-day list of the things your child forgets for three weeks. At the end of the three weeks, look at the list to see if there are any patterns. Does your child always forget the same thing? Does your child forget things more frequently on a particular day? If you notice a pattern, think through what makes that particular thing or that particular day different from the others. Perhaps an adjustment to your child’s afterschool schedule, specific reminders about the particular thing or a change in other routines could also help your child get the right things home.

Bob Cunningham, the former Head of School for The Gateway Schools in New York City, has been an educational evaluator and a teacher in general education and special education at both the elementary and secondary levels in several school districts. He was also an instructor in the Learning Disabilities program at Columbia Univerity's Teachers College. Follow him on Twitter at @tfcminds.

Article retrieved from:

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Homework 101

by Jenny A. Frank, CSW

“It’s time to do your homework.”
“But, mom!”

Sound familiar? For many parents, these words are heard from the month of September and last well into June. What can be done to maximize stronger work habits and minimize frustration for you and your child? Quite a lot.

School-to-Home Organization

• Eliminate the risk of forgotten books/notebooks at school by asking teachers to check in with your child at the end of the day. For those children using lockers, hang a typed list on color paper reminding your child what to ask him/herself each day when packing up homework (see box, below, for example). In addition, a small index card could be taped on the cover of your child’s planner. For more detailed tips, learn how to help kids bring the right “stuff” home from school (rather than a miscellaneous mess). 
• Advocate for a well-established communication system between home and school. Find out more about the parent-school relationship. 

Homework Organization

• Select a specified area for homework and necessary supplies. When completed, request that your child return all materials/supplies to their appropriate places.
• Help your child avoid avoiding homework. Work with your child on establishing rules on when and how homework will be accomplished. For example, should he start with his favorite subject? Take a break after each assignment? How will she know when it’s time to get back to work? (Verbal reminders, such as “Johanna, just a reminder that there are only two more minutes left in your break” and timers are very effective.) What stimuli is acceptable or unacceptable when studying? How homework is completed is equally important as completing it.
• For weekend homework, encourage your child to begin on Friday evenings. This is invaluable! Not only is information fresh in their minds but it allows enough time to make contingency plans for forgotten books or purchasing materials for projects.
• Ask yourself, Are the teachers giving homework and instructions that suit my child best? If not, don’t hesitate to share concerns and ideas with the teacher.
• If your child misses school, remind him that he’s responsible for finding out the next day’s homework. While there may be times when your child can’t complete the homework without classroom instruction, it’s still good to have him follow through by calling a classmate or emailing the teacher (if this option is available) during the day. This learned skill becomes very important by mid-elementary years and, certainly, by middle school. It can minimize anxiety when your child returns to school.
• For children taking medication, ask yourself and your child if she thinks the medication is working as optimally as possible. Work with your professional to determine if a change may be required.

Reinforce Learning

• Become intimate with your child’s areas of need (for example, organization, inattentiveness, comprehension, decoding) and help find appropriate techniques to enhance and reinforce learning. Locate professionals early in the school year at your child’s school and/or in the private sector who can provide helpful strategies.
• In general, study cards or index cards are easier than a study guide or worksheet. Have your child write words, thoughts or questions on one side and answers on the other. The act of writing out a card is one more opportunity to enhance learning by reinforcing memory.
• Use the internet to supplement and complement classroom materials.
• For children having difficulty extracting ideas, build lists of words for your child from which to choose. Similarly, ask them to compare and contrast ideas. For those with writing challenges, there are several approaches: Have your child verbalize his or her ideas first. Use a word-web format or an old-fashioned outline using bullets before writing an essay. Encourage your child to refer to the list/chart/web/rubric and use a minimum of details (two to three details for younger children; four to 10 details for older children).
• Consider making board games, such as a bingo or lotto board, as another way to reinforce learning. An opened manila folder works great as a board, index cards can be used for questions and coins can be a player’s pawn. It's inexpensive, simple and a great addition to family time!
• Offer to give practice tests. After a few weeks of school, your child should have a sense of a teacher’s testing style. Practice tests that mirror that style offer your child the opportunity to get a feel for what could be asked.
• Consider a study group. For slightly older children, a study group of two or three can be very beneficial and make learning more enjoyable.

The ultimate goal is to provide kids with good work habits, to help them prepare, anticipate, stay on task and avoid unnecessary tardiness. Par for the course with teaching organization, homework and learning strategies is making a long-term commitment. The foremost rule is to find the best system for your child; this will often mean going through some trial and error before finding the best one. Parental assistance can go a long way in making your child feel a sense of accomplishment and progress while minimizing stress for all of you. Below is a sample end-of-day reminder you can share with your child. 

End-of-the-Day Reminder Before coming home, remind or ask yourself: To check your planner to see what homework and tests you have. To pack everything you need to complete homework. (textbooks, composition books, study guides, library books, folders) and study for upcoming tests. What's inside the locker that should be somewhere else? (i.e., old lunches, library books, tests needed to be signed by parents). Take home the knapsack, jacket and any other clothing/sports gear.

 

Jenny A. Frank, CSW is in private practice in Westchester County, New York. Her practice includes family treatment of children with exceptionalities, individual counseling, parent support groups and parent coaching. She lectures and is published regularly on issues centering on children with special needs. She can be reached at JAFCSW@yahoo.com.

Article retrieved from:  http://www.ncld.org/students-disabilities/homework-study-skills/homework-101?utm_source=newsletter_september_24_2013&utm_medium=email&utm_content=text&utm_campaign=ldnews

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