Sleep Loss in Early Childhood May Contribute to the Development of ADHD Symptoms

ScienceDaily (June 15, 2011) — Short sleep duration may contribute to the development or worsening of hyperactivity and inattention during early childhood, suggests a research abstract that will be presented on June 14, in Minneapolis, Minn., at Sleep 2011, the 25th Anniversary Meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies LLC (APSS).

Results show that less sleep in preschool-age children significantly predicted worse parent-reported hyperactivity and inattention at kindergarten. In contrast, hyperactivity and inattention at preschool did not predict sleep duration at kindergarten. The sample consisted of approximately 6,860 children, and analyses controlled for gender, ethnicity and family income.

"Children who were reported to sleep less in preschool were rated by their parents as more hyperactive and less attentive compared to their peers at kindergarten," said lead author Erika Gaylor, PhD, senior researcher for SRI International, an independent, nonprofit research institute in Menlo Park, Calif. "These findings suggest that some children who are not getting adequate sleep may be at risk for developing behavioral problems manifested by hyperactivity, impulsivity, and problems sitting still and paying attention."

According to the authors, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is not generally diagnosed until the school-age years. However, the onset of developmentally inappropriate inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity is often much younger. Sleep problems, particularly difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep, are frequently reported in children and adolescents with ADHD. However, the direction of causation, if any, has been difficult to determine. Longitudinal studies may provide a window into the direction of this complex relationship.

The analyses used data from the preschool and kindergarten waves of the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study -- Birth Cohort. The dataset includes a contemporary, representative sample of children and their families living in the U.S. and followed longitudinally from birth through kindergarten entry. Total nighttime sleep duration was calculated using parent-reported bedtimes and wake times, which were obtained via interview at both time points. Parents also rated their children's behavior on brief measures of attention/task persistence and hyperactivity/impulsivity.

Last year at Sleep 2010, Gaylor reported that having a regular bedtime was the most consis¬tent predictor of positive developmental outcomes at 4 years of age. Having an earlier bedtime also was predictive of higher scores for most developmental measures.

Article retrieved from: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/06/110614101122.htm?utm_source=Twitter&utm_campaign=LDOnLine.org

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Memory training improves intelligence in some children

By Melissa Healy, Los Angeles Times
June 14, 2011

Brain games can help with abstract reasoning months after the training, but they work only for those who really need and enjoy the exercises, a study says.


Training a child to hold a whole cluster of items in his or her memory for even a short time may feel like trying to hold a wave on the sand. But a study published Monday says it's a drill that can yield lasting benefits.

Children who've had such training have better abstract reasoning and solve problems more creatively than kids who haven't, the study found.

But here's a warning to parents already grooming their young children for entry into elite universities: Don't automatically rush out to enroll your young genius in brain-training summer camp or invest in DVDs promising to deliver high IQs. These drills, the scientists found, pay the greatest dividends for children who actually need them and who find the escalating challenge of the games fun, not frustrating.

For others, "it might be difficult if you push your kid too much," said study lead author Susanne M. Jaeggi, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan. "It's like a parent pushing a child to do sports or learn a musical instrument: There's always this delicate balance between too much or too little."

The training program used by Jaeggi and co-workers focused on ramping up working memory: the ability to hold in mind a handful of information bits briefly, and to update them as needed. Cognitive scientists consider working memory a key component of intelligence. But they have long debated whether strengthening short-term memory capacity will boost a person's overall intellectual function, and will do so even after the brain-training sessions are over.

It can, and it does, according to this new research, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The study put 32 elementary and middle school children through a rigorous monthlong regimen of computer games designed to test, challenge and strengthen their working memory. An additional 30 children trained on a computer program that involved answering general knowledge and vocabulary questions.

The working-memory programs — adapted from a brain game designed for older users — required children to follow and remember a sequence of positions on a grid and, shortly after seeing the pattern, to answer questions about it. When a child did well on a game, the next sequence would become longer, increasingly challenging the child's ability to hold in mind the sequence and spatial information.

The task requires a child's rapt attention for as long as a minute and emphasizes the ability to screen out distractions while focusing on a single task. The child must recall where and in what order items appeared on a screen, then work backward through that remembered information to answer questions correctly.

Jaeggi called the task, known as the "n-back test" by psychologists, "really devilish. If you lose track just a little bit, you're completely out of it and you have to start anew."

When the children were tested at the end of the month of training, the Michigan researchers at first found scant differences between the group that got the working-memory training and the general knowledge group. Although those who had received working-memory training were better at holding several items in mind for a short while, on a test of abstract reasoning — fluid intelligence — they were, as a group, no smarter than the control group.

But then the researchers took a closer look and noticed a clear pattern: The children who had improved the most on the memory-training task did indeed perform better on the fluid intelligence test. And three months later, they still did better as a group than both the control group and the children who hadn't improved.

The study comes against the backdrop of explosive growth in the business of brain-training programs for children. Increasingly, designers of brain games — a roughly $300-million-a-year business that has sprung up in less than a decade — are aiming at intellectually ambitious parents bent on supplying their progeny all the cognitive advantages money can buy.

Alvaro Fernandez, who teaches the science of brain health at San Francisco State University and is the founder of SharpBrains, a company that tracks the brain fitness business, said about $75 million a year of the brain-training business was focused on school-age children. In a deal certain to accelerate that trend, the educational publishing giant Pearson last year bought Cogmed, a Swedish start-up company that has pioneered the development of brain-training programs focused on working memory.

"They'll have a sales force in every school district in the country," Fernandez predicted.

For schoolchildren, the result could be an influx in video-based training programs that could put eye-popping graphics and engaging gamesmanship in the service of academic skill-building. Many of the newest programs have emerged from a mind meld of neuroscientists and video game designers. The resulting products adapt to their users' progress, dispensing virtual prizes and increasing the level of difficulty to keep a young player motivated and challenged.

"It's train but don't strain your brain," said UCLA psychiatrist Dr. Gary Small, author of "The Memory Bible" and creator of a new training program called Memory Power. "You've got to find the sweet spot — we know that."

That formula — fun and challenging, but not so challenging as to be frustrating — turned out to be crucial in the new study. Those children who saw significant and lasting improvements in abstract reasoning were far more likely to be the ones who rated the games as challenging but not overwhelming, Jaeggi said.

She likened the mental exercise of building working memory to a would-be athlete embarking on a regimen of aerobic exercise: A workout that's too easy can lead an athlete to plateau, and one that's too hard can discourage and cause injury.

Other studies have found stronger evidence that working-memory training has the power to help a person not only to remember a shopping list but to be a more agile thinker as well, said Torkel Klingberg, a Swedish neuroscientist who founded Cogmed and has been a pioneer in working-memory research.

Patricia Schwarz, who teaches fifth-graders at L.A.'s Solano Avenue Elementary School, says her children run the gamut from those who hear instructions once and remember them till the task is done to those who get "befuddled" by the time they get to step two.

"There are a lot of kids who need instructions and graphics and words written on the blackboard. It just doesn't work for them the way it does with others," said Schwarz, a 24-year veteran of teaching. Any brain-training that works "would be fantastic," she said at the end of a long day of teaching photosynthesis.But here's a warning to parents already grooming their young children for entry into elite universities: Don't automatically rush out to enroll your young genius in brain-training summer camp or invest in DVDs promising to deliver high IQs. These drills, the scientists found, pay the greatest dividends for children who actually need them and who find the escalating challenge of the games fun, not frustrating.

For others, "it might be difficult if you push your kid too much," said study lead author Susanne M. Jaeggi, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan. "It's like a parent pushing a child to do sports or learn a musical instrument: There's always this delicate balance between too much or too little."

The training program used by Jaeggi and co-workers focused on ramping up working memory: the ability to hold in mind a handful of information bits briefly, and to update them as needed. Cognitive scientists consider working memory a key component of intelligence. But they have long debated whether strengthening short-term memory capacity will boost a person's overall intellectual function, and will do so even after the brain-training sessions are over.

It can, and it does, according to this new research, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The study put 32 elementary and middle school children through a rigorous monthlong regimen of computer games designed to test, challenge and strengthen their working memory. An additional 30 children trained on a computer program that involved answering general knowledge and vocabulary questions.

The working-memory programs — adapted from a brain game designed for older users — required children to follow and remember a sequence of positions on a grid and, shortly after seeing the pattern, to answer questions about it. When a child did well on a game, the next sequence would become longer, increasingly challenging the child's ability to hold in mind the sequence and spatial information.

The task requires a child's rapt attention for as long as a minute and emphasizes the ability to screen out distractions while focusing on a single task. The child must recall where and in what order items appeared on a screen, then work backward through that remembered information to answer questions correctly.

Jaeggi called the task, known as the "n-back test" by psychologists, "really devilish. If you lose track just a little bit, you're completely out of it and you have to start anew."

When the children were tested at the end of the month of training, the Michigan researchers at first found scant differences between the group that got the working-memory training and the general knowledge group. Although those who had received working-memory training were better at holding several items in mind for a short while, on a test of abstract reasoning — fluid intelligence — they were, as a group, no smarter than the control group.

But then the researchers took a closer look and noticed a clear pattern: The children who had improved the most on the memory-training task did indeed perform better on the fluid intelligence test. And three months later, they still did better as a group than both the control group and the children who hadn't improved.

The study comes against the backdrop of explosive growth in the business of brain-training programs for children. Increasingly, designers of brain games — a roughly $300-million-a-year business that has sprung up in less than a decade — are aiming at intellectually ambitious parents bent on supplying their progeny all the cognitive advantages money can buy.

Alvaro Fernandez, who teaches the science of brain health at San Francisco State University and is the founder of SharpBrains, a company that tracks the brain fitness business, said about $75 million a year of the brain-training business was focused on school-age children. In a deal certain to accelerate that trend, the educational publishing giant Pearson last year bought Cogmed, a Swedish start-up company that has pioneered the development of brain-training programs focused on working memory.

"They'll have a sales force in every school district in the country," Fernandez predicted.

For schoolchildren, the result could be an influx in video-based training programs that could put eye-popping graphics and engaging gamesmanship in the service of academic skill-building. Many of the newest programs have emerged from a mind meld of neuroscientists and video game designers. The resulting products adapt to their users' progress, dispensing virtual prizes and increasing the level of difficulty to keep a young player motivated and challenged.

"It's train but don't strain your brain," said UCLA psychiatrist Dr. Gary Small, author of "The Memory Bible" and creator of a new training program called Memory Power. "You've got to find the sweet spot — we know that."

That formula — fun and challenging, but not so challenging as to be frustrating — turned out to be crucial in the new study. Those children who saw significant and lasting improvements in abstract reasoning were far more likely to be the ones who rated the games as challenging but not overwhelming, Jaeggi said.

She likened the mental exercise of building working memory to a would-be athlete embarking on a regimen of aerobic exercise: A workout that's too easy can lead an athlete to plateau, and one that's too hard can discourage and cause injury.

Other studies have found stronger evidence that working-memory training has the power to help a person not only to remember a shopping list but to be a more agile thinker as well, said Torkel Klingberg, a Swedish neuroscientist who founded Cogmed and has been a pioneer in working-memory research.

Patricia Schwarz, who teaches fifth-graders at L.A.'s Solano Avenue Elementary School, says her children run the gamut from those who hear instructions once and remember them till the task is done to those who get "befuddled" by the time they get to step two.

"There are a lot of kids who need instructions and graphics and words written on the blackboard. It just doesn't work for them the way it does with others," said Schwarz, a 24-year veteran of teaching. Any brain-training that works "would be fantastic," she said at the end of a long day of teaching photosynthesis.

Article retrieved from: http://www.latimes.com/health/la-he-iq-boost-20110614-1,0,2455553.story
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Study: Working memory training can improve fluid intelligence

By: Alvaro Fernandez

Very inter­est­ing new study on com­put­er­ized cog­ni­tive train­ing (or brain train­ing), well sum­ma­rized in LA Times arti­cle Mem­ory train­ing improves intel­li­gence in some chil­dren, report says. Quote:

The train­ing pro­gram used by Jaeggi and co-workers focused on ramp­ing up work­ing mem­ory: the abil­ity to hold in mind a hand­ful of infor­ma­tion bits briefly, and to update them as needed. Cog­ni­tive sci­en­tists con­sider work­ing mem­ory a key com­po­nent of intel­li­gence. But they have long debated whether strength­en­ing short-term mem­ory capac­ity will boost a person’s over­all intel­lec­tual func­tion, and will do so even after the brain-training ses­sions are over.

It can, and it does, accord­ing to this new research, pub­lished in the Pro­ceed­ings of the National Acad­emy of Sciences.

The full study, Short-term and long-term ben­e­fits of cog­ni­tive train­ing, is avail­able here, and includes this cru­cial and often over­looked analysis:

We con­clude that cog­ni­tive train­ing can be effec­tive and long-lasting, but that there are lim­it­ing fac­tors that must be con­sid­ered to eval­u­ate the effects of this train­ing, one of which is indi­vid­ual dif­fer­ences in train­ing per­for­mance. We pro­pose that future research should not inves­ti­gate whether cog­ni­tive train­ing works, but rather should deter­mine what train­ing reg­i­mens and what train­ing con­di­tions result in the best trans­fer effects, inves­ti­gate the under­ly­ing neural and cog­ni­tive mech­a­nisms, and finally, inves­ti­gate for whom cog­ni­tive train­ing is most useful.


Article retrieved from: http://www.sharpbrains.com/blog/2011/06/14/study-working-memory-training-can-improve-fluid-intelligence/


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How Much TV Is Right for Kids?

Now who are the meanest parents in town?

Published on March 4, 2011 by Marilyn Wedge, Ph.D. in Suffer the Children

     Over the years, I have counseled many parents to limit their child's TV-watching to one hour a day of PBS only and to keep the television turned off at other times. To this well intentioned advice, I am often met with looks of incredulity and even protests. "I like to watch the news when I come home from work," objected one father, who had brought in his son Bertie for an evaluation for ADHD. To this father I replied helpfully, "You could download the news on your I-pod and listen to it later when your son has gone to bed. Or watch it in your room later in the evening." His wife backed me up, "You could listen to the news on your I-pod when you are washing up the dinner dishes." Realizing he was outnumbered, the father capitulated, "If you think it will help Bertie." To this I nodded my assent. Of course it helps a child to have fewer media distractions when he is trying to focus on his homework. What ten-year-old kid can focus on reading or arithmetic with TV's, cell phones, video games, Face book, and I-pods screaming for his attention? Who could focus on algebra in a video arcade?

When giving this advice to parents, I always add that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that parents limit all "screen time"-TV, movies, video games, and computer games-to a total of one to two hours a day for children age two and over. For children under the age of two, the Academy recommends no screen time at all. The AAP (which is now beginning to sound like an ally of the Tiger Mother) also recommends that parents should not put a TV in their child's bedroom. The pediatricians who make these recommendations are concerned that violent shows can contribute to aggressive behavior and distractedness in children, and might even cause trauma. As most of us realize from our own experience, classic children's movies like Bambi can be terrifying to a four-year-old.

      Sometimes it helps to tell parents that I practice what I preach. For many years while my children were growing up, I limited their TV-watching to one hour of PBS a day. When young, they accepted this without protest. It helped that our next-door-neighbors chose to have no television set at all. It was a great treat for the neighbor kids to come over to our house to watch Sesame Street and Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood on our tiny TV set. But by the time my kids got to middle school, they began to protest that all their friends watched commercial television. My husband and I were nothing short of the meanest parents in town for preventing them from watching the shows that their friends did. Eventually, they learned to re-position our old fashioned satellite dish to commercial channels when we were not home. Charmed by their ingenuity, we grudgingly tolerated Beverly Hills 90210.

      Now that my children are having children of their own, the tables are turned. What goes around comes around. Does my son allow his own little son to watch television? Not a chance! He and his wife have decided not to have TV in their home. Now who are the meanest parents in town?

Article retrieved from:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/suffer-the-children/201103/how-much-tv-is-right-kids

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7 Tips to help a Distracted Child

These simple tips will help a child who is distracted.

Published on April 30, 2011 by Marilyn Wedge, Ph.D. in Suffer the Children

These simple tips will help a child who is distracted, inattentive, or having problems focusing on his school work. The tips are also useful for any child, and can even prevent inattentiveness in an ever more distracting world.

1. Keep a calm home environment. This means not yelling at your child if he doesn't mind you or settle down to do his homework. Of course every parent can be pushed to the extreme and "loses it" occasionally. Every parent yells or screams at a child once in awhile. If this happens, simply apologize to your child and reassure him that you love him, while explaining that his behavior is sometimes frustrating.

2. Limit media distractions in your home. Many children are not as good at filtering out noise as adults are. This means that having the television on while your child is trying to do her homework may interfere with her ability to concentrate. Limit your child to one hour of "screen time" per day. This means limiting television, electronic games and other forms of eye-candy. The American Academy of Pediatrics warns that early exposure to television is associated with ADHD in children. They also recommend that parents not put a television set in the child's room, and that you keep the TV turned off when you are not watching a specific program.

3. Have your child's vision and hearing tested. If your child suddenly starts to have trouble at school, take him to the pediatrician for a vision and hearing test. Sometimes a child is not able to express that he is having trouble seeing or hearing clearly. Several times in my experience, a child's teacher thought he might have ADHD, when the real problem was nearsightedness.

4. Stay positive in your child's presence. Don't argue with your spouse or partner when you child is around. Surprisingly, children worry about their parents just as much as their parents worry about them. Hearing parents argue or even talk in loud voices can be scary to a child. Even if the arguments are not serious, to a child's vivid imagination arguments might signify that his parents are headed for a divorce. Tell your child only the good things in your life, and keep the arguments for when the child is not present. Even if your child is in the other room, he can still hear your tone of voice and pick up on angry feelings. To air out differences, parents should think about having lunch together or taking a walk alone to clear the air.


5. Be "in the moment" with you child at least once every day. Have a few minutes each day when you can focus 100% of your attention on your child: read her a book, play a short board game, or make a drawing or a painting together. If you prefer outdoor games, go to the park and play basketball or tennis with your child.

6. Have clear rules and enforce them consistently. Parents should come to agreement about the rules concerning their child, and back each other up. Being on the same page about discipline is especially crucial if a child is having trouble focusing. When parents ask me about a good book on discipline, I always recommend 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. His method really works, especially for younger children.



7. Enroll your child in a sport to channel his extra energy. If your child is "hyper," he may need more outlets for his energy. Remember, Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps had trouble focusing in the classroom and was diagnosed with ADHD. After being on medication for four years, Phelps decided that the medication was an unnecessary crutch. With the help and support of his doctor, he weaned himself off medication at age thirteen. Phelps learned to control his inattentiveness at school by using the power of his mind, and found a wholesome outlet for his extra energy in competitive swimming.

Copyright Marilyn Wedge 2011

Article retrieved from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/suffer-the-children/201104/7-tips-help-distracted-child

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How the brain works?

A video to explain how the brain works during our daily activities and learning processes process in English with Chinese Subtitle.

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Top Ten Do's and Don't about effective discipline

Published on May 4, 2011 by Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W. in Fixing Families

Okay, you know the basics - no grounding for life, no giving in to candy whines at the checkout line, no time-outs for 6 hours. But bedtime is a moving target and getting up and out in the morning can often have all the drama of an Wagnerian opera.

It doesn't have to be like that. What's needed is discipline. This shouldn't be confused with punishment, those negatives designed to send home a lesson. Discipline is more subtle and more important. It's about teaching your child self-regulation, about self responsibility, and ultimately about creating a sense of security. We now know from research on infant mental health that children as young as 6 months can begin to grasp the concept of No.


This setting of boundaries, when combined with a nurturing relationship, helps your child feel safe. Children without discipline feel anxious, are constantly testing to find and define limits, and over time feel entitled and become demanding. Through discipline your child isn't just learning who's the boss, he's learning how to shape his world.

The Top Ten

The principles of discipline - no emotion, action, consistency, coordination - are simple and effective. Where most parents get stuck is in the fine-print - translating these concepts into concrete action. Here's a list of Top Ten Do's and Don't about effective discipline:

#1. No whining. We're talking about you, not your child. This is the no-emotion rule. Tell your 7-year old child to please pick up his toys, but be matter-of-fact about it. If you are upset about seeing the mess of toys on the floor, go calm down first, then tell him. Keep your instructions short and sweet - no lectures on responsibility, no reminders about the mess from Tuesday, no ranting on about how no one will ever want to marry him because his room is a pigsty. Skip it. Tell him to pick up his toys, by when, and build in a treat (you can watch TV, have some ice cream) when it's all done.

It's said that parents are the child's favorite toy, and the things you get most worked up about - spilled juice, messy rooms - rather than good grades, acts of kindness, signs of responsibility - are instinctively what the child will gravitate towards. Certainly it's okay to get upset when you child runs out in the road. It teaches her that this behavior is really a big deal that she needs to never do. But if you get just as upset about running out in the road as you do about spilled popcorn on the rug, your child gets confused about priorities, or just sees you as always upset. Save your excitement for positive and important things.

#2. Play It Again Sam, again -- Routines, routines, routines. Shape behavior through effective routines - a routine for getting up and out in the morning, one for after school, one for after dinner, one for bedtime. Kids change from the outside in, and the wildest, most out-of-control child will learn to eventually settle down through regular routines and structure. They provide the backbone of security and dependability that kids need.

What's hard to doing them is that you need to set them and keep everyone on track, including yourself. It's the challenge of behavior over-riding emotion - you don't have to feel like to do it, you do it and then you will feel like it. Figure out in advance what routines might work best - playtime before homework, reading aloud after bath - and give your child a forced choice - do you want to take a bath before or after you brush your teeth? Make your bed before or after breakfast? Don't be a drill sergeant micro-managing the process, be more the cruise-ship coordinator - now let's move on to our next activity - bedtime! .... Build in positives to balance out negatives - story after you're all ready for bed, time for video-game after homework is done.

#3. No sudden moves. Your kitchen timer can be your best parenting friend. Keep the routines moving along by giving a warning and setting the timer between activities: "Okay, guys, it's time to get ready for bed. You have 5 minutes. When the timer goes off you need to shut off the computer." Don't march into the room and say, "Okay, it's time to get ready for bed, shut that off now!" This will start WWIII or severe toxic doses of whining, especially if your kids have one more life left in their video-game or are just about to jump to the next level. Give notice.

#4. Empathize with emotions, not behaviors. Your child needs to feel like you understand how she feels, that you will listen to her about her emotions. This is how children learn empathy and this starts as young as 14 months. Empathize with your child's emotions - Yes, I know you wanted to go swimming and I know you feel mad.

That said, you want to hold your child responsible for his behavior - "I know you feel mad, but you cannot hit your brother. I know you want to play your video-game, but you need to finish your homework." This is accountability. Don't confuse it with empathy. Because your child is mad, don't let the homework slide, don't tolerate the hitting. If you do, your child learns that his strong emotions can over-ride his bad behavior. Not a good a lesson to teach.

#5. Put out the fire. Just as you want to separate emotions from behavior, you also want to separate emotions from problem-solving. What this means is that if your child (or your spouse for that matter) is upset, this is not the time to try to get him to understand, make your point, solve the problem. The problem at that moment is your child's emotion. Emotions create tunnel vision and solutions can't be processed.

Put out the emotional fire first by listening - I know you're angry, I know you're disappointed - and by nodding your head. Saying more than that - What do you mean Tuesday?; When you get older... -- is like putting gasoline on the fire, making the emotional fire worse. Empathic listening helps calm the flames and should help your child calm down. If it doesn't and she is still out-of-control, move to containment - hold her or put her in time-out so she can self-regulate. Once she's calm, then talk about the problem - "Okay, you're feeling better. Let's talk about a different time that might be better for doing your homework." These are basic survival skills and are especially important as children move into their teen years when their emotions are apt to get stronger and louder

We finish our list of discipline tips and ways to put them into action:

#6. Don't pull rank. While you're probably tempted to say (oh, 20 times a day) "Because I said so, that's why!" Resist. This pulling rank is about your frustration and anger and your attempt to gain control.  While you may momentarily feel better, your child misses the point about what you're asking. Instead help your child better understand you and how you think by making one-sentence, no-emotion comments about your concerns or worries: "I want you to come home at 6:00 because I'm worried that if you get too tired, you'll have a hard time getting all your homework done." He doesn't have to agree and might even argue, but that's okay and you can still stand by your guns.

Understanding your motivation and intentions makes you seem less like a bully. By modeling good communication and self-responsibility, she has an opportunity to better understand what makes you tick. Over time your words will come inside and she will better understand what makes her tick.

#7. Words matter. This is tied to consistency. Do what you say, say what you mean. If you tell your child that you are all leaving the house at 8:00 am, set the timer and leave at 8:00. If they are half-dressed, bring the clothes and let them get dressed in the car. If they missed their breakfast, grab a banana and some cereal, and they can eat it on the way to school. If you don't be consistent and match words and actions, your child learns that words don't matter. Again this is part of creating a feeling of stability and reliability. Without it they get confused, they test.

#8. Use logic. Or rather logical consequences to shape behavior. This is how we learn as adults. You don't pay your electric bill, your lights get turned off. You come to work late 2 weeks in a row and your boss sits you down for a serious talk, writes you up, or fires you from your job. It's an effective way to learn, it's real life and it teaches children responsibility by showing them the consequences of their actions. "I'm sorry it took you a long time to finish cleaning your room. We don't have time to read a story (or watch TV or go swimming)." Again, matter-of-fact, don't nag, don't scold; it's not about you. This approach can keep you from railing on. It side-steps your kids just seeing you as being mean and missing the bigger point. It teaches your child how life really works.

#9. One positive deserves another. Research tells us that positives shape behavior much more effectively an negatives. The famous studies by John Gottman on marriage and relationships shows that couples need a 4:1 ratio of positive to negative comments in their relationship in order for the other person to hear anything positive. Less than that and the other person feels like you are always being critical or on their back.

Kids are no different. They move towards the positive, especially when there is emotion behind it - excitement, real appreciation -- and when it is specific - You are doing such a good job sharing your toys with your brother; I really like the way you helped carry the dishes into the kitchen when grandma came over - rather than just a generic Good job guys. Look for what's good, rather than always zeroing in on the bad.

#10. Get on the same page. This is for you and your partner. While you both have different personalities and hence, different styles, you shouldn't have different rules or different priorities. If routines fall apart because Dad is in charge instead of Mom or visa versa, kids lose their stability, get confused, start testing, squeeze through the cracks between you both, or quickly learn to play one of you off against the other - ask easy-going Mom instead of mean Dad.

It's easy for parents to polarized - one tough, the other easy-going - as a way of balancing the other guy out. Often underneath it all is a relationship problem that is being played out through the children. This parental split is a relationship issue between you both that needs to be solved. If you suspect that is the case, get the kids out of the middle, talk about your differences and if needed, get professional help.

These do's and don'ts apply to all kids regardless of their age. What you do need to sensitive to is updating and refining them to fit your childrens' changing developmental needs. With a younger child the language will be simpler, the amount of direction may be more. As children get older, you can explain more, can give them more options, get their input in solving problems, give them more room to establish their own routines. By teenage years, your job moves towards being more that consultant, and you save you power for really important issues like health and safety. The principles stay the same, the fine-print changes.

A Plan of Action

If you are seeing a need to make changes in your family, the best place to start is by making a change in yourself. Here are some guidelines to help you get going:

Pick one area. Don't try and do the big make-over. As you look at the list, review your family life, pick on area that you want to work on first. It may be setting good bedtime routines, it may be controlling your own emotions, it may be increasing the positives or talking with your partner about a workable game-plan. Start small so you can build up your self-confidence while not overwhelming your kids.

Come up with a plan. So you decide, for example, that you want to get a handle on bedtime routine, map out the changes in advance when you're not stressed and are clear-headed. Envision how you would like it to be. Think in terms of behaviors - what do you want to do differently, what do you want your children to do - rather than worrying about emotions - how you want them to feel. Change behaviors first and emotions will follow. Be as specific as possible, and build into your planning anticipated obstacles (sharing of the bathroom, individual times for reading stories) and ways around them.

Let you kids know what's coming. Again, it's about prep and warnings: "Tomorrow, I want us to change how we do bedtime. Because I want us to have time to read together, I want you get ready for bed a little bit earlier, take a bath, and pack up your stuff for school. I'll give you a warning and set the timer to let you know when it's time to shut off the TV.

Expect resistance. Some kids handle change better than others, but it's human nature to want no change at all. Be like Mary Poppins - clear, matter-of-fact, no drama, lots of positive comments - good job getting your pajamas on. Empathize with emotions but stick to behaviors.

Get support. If you have a partner, work together as a team, either backing you up, sharing the responsibilities (I'll handle Tom if you get Kathy in bed). Talk about first aide if you find yourself getting frustrated (come stand next me or just give me a quick hug) in order to help you stay on track. If you are alone, work out a plan to call someone for support while the kids are taking a bath. Figure out in advance what you need to be successful.

Evaluate, fine-tune. See how it goes, make minor adjustments (still too rushed, need another 10 minutes) but don't scrape the idea if it doesn't go as smoothly as you hoped. You're not just changing behaviors, or literally rewiring brains - your kids as well as your own. It takes some repetition and time.

Pat yourself on the back. It isn't about doing it Right, it's about doing it different. That's what counts.

Bring in the reinforcements. Finally, don't hesitate to get additional help if you need it - online information, a parenting skills group, a couple of sessions with a counselor. Don't discourage yourself by thinking you have some intractable personality defect; it's about learning skills, pure and simple. Recognizing a problem and being willing to tackle it is 50% towards fixing it.

Treat yourself the way you wish to treat your kids. With determination, support, patience, and a positive attitude.

You'll discover that you can do it.

Article retrieved from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201105/discipline-5-ways-do-it-right and http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201105/discipline-5-more-ways-do-it-right

Images retrieved from: http://www.childperspective.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/photo_1565_200605151.jpg

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